Saturday, February 26, 2011

I'm pleased to announce...

Due to the recent post by my beloved cousin, I am pleased to announce that I will not be participating in the "Master Cleanse."

Just FYI...researchers recently discovered that the Master Cleanse is both extremely hard/harsh on organs and can cause organ failure. Also...it's been proven to make people GAIN weight rather than lose because after so many days of not eating/killing your organs...you binge. The second you put food (even healthy food) back into your body, your body will hold on to that fat and you'll gain back weight. Just read a huge article about it in last month's Shape magazine.

After this post, I read the following articile...

There are certainly better ways for you to drop a few pounds. Detoxification, or cleansing, diets aim to rid your body of disease-causing "toxins" by limiting the types and amounts of food you can eat. Some plans permit nothing except certain fruits and vegetables (which are often spun into juices), while the popular Master Cleanse fast restricts you to a cayenne pepper-laced elixir for 10 days.
Since the daily calorie count for many detox plans tops out at 700, you will slim down if you follow them, says David Grotto, R.D., founder of Nutrition Housecall, a personal- consulting company in Elmhurst, Illinois. But the weight you'll lose will consist of water and lean muscle tissue rather than body fat. And don't expect to be thinner for long: Because these detox diets put your body into starvation mode, it hangs on to every calorie to conserve energy. The loss of lean muscle mass dampens your calorie-burning furnace as well. So once you revert to your old eating habits, says Grotto, your metabolism will have slowed down, making you even more likely to regain the weight. Vitamin deficiencies are also possible, especially with the plans that limit fruits and veggies.
What's more, the whole concept of detox diets is misleading and it’s a better strategy to stick to a balanced healthy diet. "Your liver and other organs naturally remove so-called waste from your body," says Grotto. "Eating whole grains, produce, healthy fats, lowfat dairy, and lean protein keeps these organs and your body's elimination process in top condition. If you cut your calorie intake to 1,500 daily, you'll lose weight, too."

And have decided I will not be participating.

Instead I will do what my mother has been suggesting all along... which I too wanted to do but was blinded by false promises by the master cleanse,

I instead will be eating meats, fruits and vegetables only. I am going to attempt to cut out ALL processed foods and stick with foods that either WALKED on this earth... or LIVED on this earth.

I'm going to go have some eggs. NUM NUM NUM.

Day 2... still Step 1

Today is "juice" day. But seeing as I have no juicer, today will be smoothie day instead. Breakfast smoothie? Delightful. Fresh squeezed orange juice, bananas, strawberry, cherries, and vitamins. It was so good, I shared with mom.

Lunch smoothie? Disgusting. Spinach, cantelope, V8, apple and lemon juice. There is a part of me that truly believes it could've been worst. But that didn't make it any easier to choke down.

I cheated last night... technically. My mom picked up some Eischen's on her way back to the city. I outlasted the chicken, however the fried okra was over powering. I only had like 3, but still.

Today I've eaten some chocolate covered raisins... also a cheat.

I'm really debating whether or not I want to continue doing this. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm home and my mom is making a steamed chicken for dinner that looks amazing... but it's getting old already.

Perhaps once I actually start the actual drink itself, I'll be a little bit more positive about the whole thing. Right now I feel like I'm on a rabbit's diet, and I'm NOT digging it.

I WANT MORE FRIED OKRA AND CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINS.

No cheating once the drink starts. Tomorrow is day dedicated to orange juice.... I think I might combine that with today and start the lemonade drink instead.

When life gives you lemons... and a few extra pounds... try the lemonade diet. Boom. Tagline.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Easin' in on Day 1

Easin' in isn't as easy as you'd think. It isn't even 3:30 and I'm unfulfilled. Today I am only allowed to eat fruits and vegetables. And I don't know if this is part of the cleanse or not, but I'm only eating raw fruits and vegetables... it may be easier if some of them were cooked, but for some reason I think I'm just supposed to eat raw... Does anyone know what "live foods" are? i.e. Can live foods be cooked?

Oh well. I've eaten a banana, an apple, a bag of carrots, a cucumber, tomatoes and strawberries. I'm supposed to eat more vegetables than fruit, but it's not my fault that fruit tastes so much better. I've run out of things to eat, so tonight I think I'm going to go get some artichokes and have some of THAT. DELICIOUS. I don't care if I have to cook em. NUM NUM NUM.

At this point, the only thing preventing me from eating those chocolate covered raisins lying on the kitchen cabinet is the fact that I'm writing this blog. By documenting every day for every one to see, it makes it a lot easier to not cheat. However, knowing myself as I do, I really wouldn't be surprised if I talked myself into it... "The ease-in is optional. You don't have to keep to it 100%. C'mon." My stomach and mind are combining forces and have placed two little devils on my shoulder. One is telling me to eat a hard boiled egg... the other is telling me to eat M&M's... ass hole.

This morning I took pictures of my stomach and weighed in... I'm anxious to see where this cleanse takes me. I watched some youtube videos of a girl that did the master cleanse last night. WHOA! She lost 15lbs in 10 days. I'm not aiming that high... I'd just like to be where I was this time last year. That would be nice.

Tomorrow my mother will probably be very angry with me throughout the entire day.... Tomorrow is a juice/broth day. I have to purify everything I eat. Something about your body being able to absorb the nutrients better because it doesn't have to break down the food first... The only thing this means to my mom it's going to be A MESS. I probably shouldn't have come home for this portion of the cleanse.

ABIGAIL - DAY 1 OF THE MASTER CLEANSE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HwkLfwNECE

ABIGAIL - DAY 10 OF THE MASTER CLEANSE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTWsF7oeWBw&feature=related

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Master Cleanse

Tomorrow I will begin a cleanse. In recent weeks, I have been drinking excessively, eating less healthy and gaining more weight. Therefore... time for a cleanse.

Upon my recent trip to New York City, my cousin Willis told me of his plan to "cleanse." It consists of drinking a lemon-concoction that frankly scares the shit out of me. Not for the reason many of you associate with a cleanse, but because it has cayenne pepper in it.

The drink consists of the following:
2 tablespoons lemon or lime juice (approx. ½ lemon)
2 tablespoons genuine maple syrup (not maple-flavored sugar syrup)
1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper (red pepper) or to taste
8 oz water, room temperature
Combine the juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper in a 10 oz glass jar w/lid and fill with the water.
Shake it up and drink (cold water may be used if preferred).
Use fresh (organic) lemons or limes only, never canned or frozen lemon or lime juice.

It sounds disgusting... but apparently is great a detoxing your body of all the shit you've consumed.

I am going to try to do the 3 day ease-in, then 7-10 days of the lemonade, then the 3 day ease-out. (The ease-in and ease-out are just that... and all days consist of a different variety fruits and vegetables ONLY.)

I am going to attempt to continue running and doing a couple of weekly yoga classes, however I am going to momentarily quit my marathon training. I just wanna keep my legs in shape so I can start back up once this is over.

While in NYC, I consumed whiskey and beer. Whiskey and beer are two things I love very much, however, whiskey and beer do not love me and like to make me puffy.

I'm told by the end of the cleanse my skin will look healthier, I'll lose some weight, puffiness will be gone, and my digestive track will not have crap lingering around.

I'm sharing this with you all in effort to be held accountable.

WISH ME LUCK.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Grace and the Nocturnals… Will you all be my Valentines?

As you all may know, last night was the Grammy awards. I’m sure you all have heard by now about my dear GaGa’s egg arrival. Don’t worry about it if you don’t get it. She was Born This Way and last night was her rebirth. Plus… it got all of you talking about it, so if you don’t like it, just keep to yourself. You are only adding to her publicity.

I mention this because I’m willing to bet you are all wondering my thoughts on the performance, the art I call clothes, and her wins/lack of wins. But the truth is I did not watch the Grammy’s last night. I recorded the red carpet, the 60 minutes interview of GaGa with Anderson Cooper and the show itself but instead of watching the Grammy’s, I went to the Grace Potter and the Nocturnal’s concert in Oklahoma City.

I have been listening to GP and the Noc’s religiously for about the last 4 months. When I say religiously, I mean I put their shit on REPEAT. Their album “Live at the Filmore” is probably the #1 listened to album on my iTunes… which is saying a lot. (Especially since I listened to The Fame Monster and the Fame Monster only for almost an entire year straight.)

Every song on Live at the Filmore has been listened to over 100 times… seeing as there are about 14 songs on the album, that is a hell of a lot of times to listen to one band. (At least 1600 times.)

The first time I heard of Grace Potter was from Grey’s Anatomy. Their song “Apologies” was featured on the show about 2 years ago. “Apologies” quickly became a favorite of mine. The top song on my iTunes has been played 278 times… Apologies has been played 189, easily making it Top 25 most played…. I believe it is around #14. (If you included the live version of apologies.. it'd be #1).

When I was at Austin City Limits in October, I saw that Grace was playing. I insisted we hit it up. I was immediately blown away. I tweeted the shit out of that concert that day. I also went home and bought EVERY album of theirs that was offered on iTunes. Their live recordings quickly became my favorite.

GP and the Noc’s have been compared to Tina Turner and the Rolling Stones. Their music isn’t necessarily similar, but their performance style is. Grace dances, jumps, runs, sits, and screams during the entire performance… not to mention the fact she plays the organ, guitar and tamborine. Most impressive is her voice… it packs a powerful punch that can knock anyone onto the floor. And when I say powerful, I mean she could easily out-sing all of the people nominated for a Grammy last night.

I’ve been to a lot of concerts…. A lot. I’ve been to a lot of music festivals. It is not a secret that I love live music. After seeing Grace Potter for the second time in concert, I would like every one to know how I feel about the matter…..
GRACE POTTER AND THE NOCTURNALS ARE BY FAR THE BEST LIVE BAND I’VE EVER SEEN.

There are still a lot of bands I’d love to see live… and they could possibly alter the above statement. But right now this is how I feel.

I’m still on a live music high. In a few short hours, I will begin coming down from my high and go into Grace Potter withdrawals. It will not be pretty. It will most likely consist of me looking up every possible concert date I could attend later in the year…. And I’ll MAKE IT HAPPEN. If I wasn’t in class right now, I’d probably go to the city to see if they’ve left for their next show in Memphis on Wednesday yet.

I can honestly say Grace Potter may top Lady GaGa in my eyes... Which is unspeakable to those of you who know me. Yes, they are completely unique in their own ways, but when it comes to music I prefer live instruments over electronic instruments. While GaGa is one hell of an artist and performer, GP and the Noc’s are raw and real and I love it.

Please dear readers, check out the Nocturnal’s and their singer Grace Potter. I promise you that you won’t regret it.
I hope this time next year, instead of coming off a GPATN high and sinking into a slight depression due to withdrawals, I’ll be celebrating Grace Potter and the Nocturnal’s first Grammy win! They more than deserve it! (Who knows… I may have to add to my body art portfolio by getting a Grace tattoo to counter my GaGa tattoo…. Just kidding, Mom.)

P.S. Dear Grace and the rest of the Nocturnals…. Will you all be my valentines?

P.S.S. Dear Mr. Yurco, I’m single.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

An Education

When I was in the 2nd grade, my teacher taught us double and triple-figured addition and subtraction. However, my sister began teaching me long division. My sister is 2 years older than me, and she was in the 4th grade.

I'm guessing she didn't like doing homework. It probably stemmed from the trauma she had two years earlier when she turned in some homework that had a curse word on top of it. She got in real trouble... I thought it was funny. Not that she got in trouble, but that it was such a big deal.

I mean, dad said things like that all the time. I was telling dirty jokes, jokes I didn't know the true meaning of, by the time I was 9.

Anyhow, instead of taking the couple of minutes it would take her to actually do the long division, she opted to teach me how to do it for her. We would sit down and she would start teaching me. I'm not so sure I learned how to do it... but I sure as hell managed to memorize the problem so I could show all my favorite teachers how smart I was.

To this day I attribute my love of math as a child to my sister. I loved it. I was really good at it. Always took advanced classes. And it would always come pretty easy for me.

The odd thing is despite the fact I loved math and was very good at it, I chose to major in Journalism and Broadcasting and go on to law school. What was I thinking? I wish my sister had taught me to write, instead.




TONIGHT IS MY DAD'S 55TH BIRTHDAY PARTY! CAN'T WAIT!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I Am Invincible.

Yesterday, it snowed. It was very snowy. Snow drifts everywhere. Some 3 feet tall. So naturally, I decided to leave my house and go driving.

Three hours into my first snow day and I was already bored out of my mind. I am okay being by myself. I spend a lot of time with just my dog. But there is something about being by yourself and all your friends being busy... versus being by yourself and knowing none of your friends have anything to do. It's as if you know something magnificent could take place and if you miss out on it, you'll regret it the rest of your life. I like to call it FOMS disease. (Fear of Missing Something).

So I'm driving. There are times I'm going over huge snow drifts. My car is a beast. I am so impressed how well it is handling on the snow. I go to a friends house for a little bit. I pick up another friend. We go to the bar. I drank but remained below the legal limit. Then it was time to go. I dropped a friend off and got up to my condo parking lot and actually laughed to myself about all the cars parked/stuck in the street. I even said something to my friend who was with me.

All night we had been bragging about how awesome the GaGa-mobile had been handling the snow. And then the inevitable happened. GaGa-mobile got stuck.

I tried rocking it back and forth, digging under the tires and then I gave up. I knew I had to call someone. I got stuck in the exact spot that denied access to all those that followed, and all those that wanted to leave the parking lot. Awesome. So I called BMW Roadside Assistance. Unfortunately, I soon found out that I was not a subscriber. And they were not keen on allowing me to subscribe at that particular time.

So then I called a tow service. The lady answered the phone and thinking that I was hilarious told her, "Well... guess what!?!" She did not know what to guess. It's not like 12 inches of snow were outside and you are a tow service WHY ELSE WOULD I BE CALLING!?! I was stuck, dumbass. Crystal was not friendly and I was not a fan. Apparently, she has lost her sense of humor and she blames me for reminding her that she's yet to find it. Have you tried Wal-Mart?

Amanda and I walked the 100 meters to my house and waited for the driver. I got the call and walked back down to the street with my purse. 20 minutes later, I was free and $60 poorer.

A little later I needed to go pick up Amanda's boyfriend who was coming over for dinner. He couldn't get within a quarter mile of my house without getting stuck so he parked at the McDonalds. Guess what we saw when got back to the house.

Another car.

Another car got stuck. I suddenly didn't feel so stupid. This person was in a station wagon. What makes you think a station wagon is a good idea when trying to conquer an uphill battle of 20 inches of snow. (I think the plow had made a nice pile in front of the entrance.) I informed them that they weren't going anywhere and needed to call a tow service because the same thing had just happened to me.

"Oh, no thanks. We'll be fine. Its four wheel drive."

Oh okay, my bad. Mine was too. Have fun freezing your ass off. I'm in unit 18 if you need a number for a tow service, HA!

This morning when I woke up, a different car was stuck. Now, there is a car parked at the entrance like they were trying to leave and then decided to cut their losses.

And my neighbors decided to leave this morning also. However, the did not get so lucky either. They managed to back up a whole 15 feet before getting stuck. When I looked out there, one of them was wearing no shirt while trying to attempt to get the car back in place. Because thats smart. Two guys were pushing on the car, one shirtless, and at the same time that one was pushing, he was also attempting to drive... he was flooring it. I just kept invisioning the car finally breaking lose only to run into the building. It didn't happen, but a girl can dream.

The only good that came of my getting stuck... the tow guy told me if I get stuck again, to call him and he'll tow me for free. Aw.... Chivalry isn't dead.



I tried to upload pictures and a video of those guys trying to move the car... but my computer is acting up. I'll try again later.

I'm Not Insane!!!!

If at first you don't succeed, then try try again. The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again expecting a different result.

A few days ago, I posted about my attempt to get the same jar of pickles open for the last several months. WELL....

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT TODAY, YES TODAY, I MANAGED TO GET OPEN MY BOTTLE OF JEAN'S SWEET AND SPICY GARLIC PICKLES.

Today is going to be a good (snow) day.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

TEN PERCENT

I love OSU. I grew up going to every OSU game. I had an OSU hat signed by the entire OSU basketball team.

In fact, one time I was in Chris’s University Spirit and a college student noticed my hat. She asked me if it was signed by the football team, to which I responded very quickly, “No, it’s signed by the basketball team.” In an effort to be nice to this enthusiast, young cowboy fan, she followed up and asked who my favorite player was. Before I got the chance to answer, my cousin Matt took the liberty of answering for me. “DOUG GOTTLIEB! She wants to marry him.” Cue the blood rushing to my face. And then she said it… “Oh, that’s my boyfriend.” Long story short, she got my address and mailed a picture of Doug on the couch with his dog a few weeks later. It’s stories like this that only fuel my love for OSU. We have amazing fans, tailgates, and orange is the greatest school color ever. But oh the tailgates.

As much as I love OSU, about 10% of the time, I like OU better. Allow me to explain.

On January 27, 2011, OU had a snow day. By 9:00am that day the streets were completely clear and there was absolutely NO ice or snow on the streets. I didn’t mind. I got to sleep in. They were worried about the ice so they cancelled class. That same day, OSU did not cancel… and yet from what I’ve heard they needed to a hell of a lot more than OU did. We are talking students falling down.

I can remember when I was in school, there was a day class was not cancelled… and it needed to be. Every time I happened to be outside, I would see student, after student, after professor of people slipping and falling and busting ass.
I saw people walking across the street and falling in the street. And yet, despite this continuing throughout the day, OSU administration failed to cancel class.

I am currently in class and approximately 30 minutes ago I received a text from the University of Oklahoma telling me school is officially cancelled tomorrow. As of 50 minutes ago, there was no snow on the ground and no freezing rain. According to my phone, it has not started raining yet.

Thank you OU. I don’t have to set an alarm tomorrow. I don’t know if you care about your students…. Or if you just like your sleep as much as we do. And frankly, I don’t give a damn. I will be partaking in anti-school activities tonight and I am very appreciative.

I like you, OU. But only 10% of the time.

P.S. If you cancel class Wednesday, I may up that figure to 15% of the time.

SINCE THE WRITING OF THIS POST... CLASS HAS SINCE BEEN CANCELED FOR WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2011. GUESS I LIKE OU 15% OF THE TIME NOW.