Tonight in church my brother-in-law sat behind some lady who almost barfed up a lung. She coughed throughout the entire mass. I understand being sick. Heck, I've been sick these last couple of days. Thats why three drinks and I was GONE tonight... (Thank the mucinex.) But this lady was ILL. She should not have come to church. She coughed every thirty seconds for a good hour. Sometimes instead of coughing she would clear her throat but it would sound more like a sexual moan... I had to choke back my laughter.
When it came time to shake everyone's hands and say "peace be with you," my brother-in-law shook her hand. You can call him whatever you like... a nice guy, a loyal catholic... I will call him a dumb shit. This lady had been hacking in her hands for the last 45 minutes and you go and shake her hand??? Don't touch me. I love you Daniel, but what were you thinking. If you get sick, I will just laugh and say "peace be with you."
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.
P.S. When I got home tonight, I caught the same brother-in-law dropping a load in my toilet... guess I know what you are getting in your stocking.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Twins
I'm not really sure why, but I have a weird infatuation with twins. I think they are freaks of nature. Well, no... not freaks. But just really cool. The fact that there are two people that shared the womb together AND look alike, I find that really cool. Every time I meet twins, I inform them of my love of twins... preferably identical ones. I always ask if they switched places just to screw with people. If I had a twin, I'd make her take tests for me. Hopefully she's smart.
I have a pair of friends. They are twins. I somewhat regularly draw attention to the fact that they resemble one another. I also attempt to play them against each other like, "if you don't call me back you won't be my favorite twin anymore." Truthfully, I do not have a favorite because they are very special in their own ways. It's cute because they drive to school together. They often share things. They are virtually the same person in my eyes,... but not. (One is married... which makes it totally hilarious when teachers see them sit next to one another... they look alike BUT HAVE DIFFERENT LAST NAMES. It's the funniest thing you ever saw.)
Whenever I see something about twins on tv or read about twins in magazines, I like to share it with them. One day I was watching this documentary on these sets of twins and they were so competitive with one another that they drove each other to have eating disorders. One weighed like 86lbs. and the other 73lbs, and the 86-pounder was pissed that she was the "fat twin." I warned my dear Twins of this unfortunate story and helped by giving them advice. I believe my note ended with something along the lines of "love each other and eat hamburgers."
The other day when I got to school, the twins were staring at me. I was concerned that something was on my face, or my clothes didn't match or something... but soon I got a better look at the twins. They watched me enter the room, walk up the steps, make it all the way to my seat and I was like what?
Then twin #2 said, "Just say it already?"
To which I had no idea what she was talking about. "Say what, twin #2?"
"Make a remark about the fact we are dressed alike."
"OHHHHH. Well I had noticed... did your mother dress you today?"
We are still friends. I love my twins. And I like to hope they love me. To the twins, if you are reading this... GET A WORKING CELL PHONE AND CALL ME BACK PLAYAS..... OH AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
P.S. Twin #1 used to kick Twin #2 in the face while in the womb... so Twin #2 had brown teeth as a tot. Rude.
P.S.S. The day they dressed alike, I made them take a picture. They were less than pleased.
I have a pair of friends. They are twins. I somewhat regularly draw attention to the fact that they resemble one another. I also attempt to play them against each other like, "if you don't call me back you won't be my favorite twin anymore." Truthfully, I do not have a favorite because they are very special in their own ways. It's cute because they drive to school together. They often share things. They are virtually the same person in my eyes,... but not. (One is married... which makes it totally hilarious when teachers see them sit next to one another... they look alike BUT HAVE DIFFERENT LAST NAMES. It's the funniest thing you ever saw.)
Whenever I see something about twins on tv or read about twins in magazines, I like to share it with them. One day I was watching this documentary on these sets of twins and they were so competitive with one another that they drove each other to have eating disorders. One weighed like 86lbs. and the other 73lbs, and the 86-pounder was pissed that she was the "fat twin." I warned my dear Twins of this unfortunate story and helped by giving them advice. I believe my note ended with something along the lines of "love each other and eat hamburgers."
The other day when I got to school, the twins were staring at me. I was concerned that something was on my face, or my clothes didn't match or something... but soon I got a better look at the twins. They watched me enter the room, walk up the steps, make it all the way to my seat and I was like what?
Then twin #2 said, "Just say it already?"
To which I had no idea what she was talking about. "Say what, twin #2?"
"Make a remark about the fact we are dressed alike."
"OHHHHH. Well I had noticed... did your mother dress you today?"
We are still friends. I love my twins. And I like to hope they love me. To the twins, if you are reading this... GET A WORKING CELL PHONE AND CALL ME BACK PLAYAS..... OH AND HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
P.S. Twin #1 used to kick Twin #2 in the face while in the womb... so Twin #2 had brown teeth as a tot. Rude.
P.S.S. The day they dressed alike, I made them take a picture. They were less than pleased.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
It's Been A Long Time...
It's been a long time. School got a little busy so I just stopped. I apologize. I'd like to promise that it won't happen again, but that'd probably be a lie. Sorry... again.
Since school has been out and finals are over, I've been in a lot better of a mood overall. In such a good of a mood in fact, that sometimes in the morning my mom loses patience with me. My good moods can sometimes be annoying. I'm rather obnoxious. Its such a nice change because exactly two weeks ago today, I took a final that I was not so proud about. Professional Responsibility.
PR (what we call it for short) is a class based on the Oklahoma Rules of Professional Conduct. Its where lawyers learn to be ethical. I probably could have studied more than I did... Ok I definately could've studied more than I did, but I find myself to be an ethical person. I paid attention in class. I listened what Reverend Kershen had to say. I agreed a lot of the time. I know that sometimes what some people may find immoral could be considered ethical in my future profession.... So because I felt this was something I knew so well, I did not study as hard as some of the others in my class....
THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
The only thing that allowed me to walk out of that classroom with my head held high was the fact that I was wearing a pair of shiny spandex tights, a leopard shirt, a leather motorcycle jacket and my biker boots. Even though I'm pretty sure my ethics course will be my worst grade in law school, I walked out of that class looking like I kicked ass. I'd like to hope that it matters,... it doesn't, but hey. Now I have a system. On finals, I dress up like a "bad ass." That way, professors will know not to mess with me, haha.
Now my only concern is what its going to look like when people see my that my worst grade was in professional conduct. I'm one hell of an individual.... good head on my shoulders.
Since school has been out and finals are over, I've been in a lot better of a mood overall. In such a good of a mood in fact, that sometimes in the morning my mom loses patience with me. My good moods can sometimes be annoying. I'm rather obnoxious. Its such a nice change because exactly two weeks ago today, I took a final that I was not so proud about. Professional Responsibility.
PR (what we call it for short) is a class based on the Oklahoma Rules of Professional Conduct. Its where lawyers learn to be ethical. I probably could have studied more than I did... Ok I definately could've studied more than I did, but I find myself to be an ethical person. I paid attention in class. I listened what Reverend Kershen had to say. I agreed a lot of the time. I know that sometimes what some people may find immoral could be considered ethical in my future profession.... So because I felt this was something I knew so well, I did not study as hard as some of the others in my class....
THAT WAS A MISTAKE.
The only thing that allowed me to walk out of that classroom with my head held high was the fact that I was wearing a pair of shiny spandex tights, a leopard shirt, a leather motorcycle jacket and my biker boots. Even though I'm pretty sure my ethics course will be my worst grade in law school, I walked out of that class looking like I kicked ass. I'd like to hope that it matters,... it doesn't, but hey. Now I have a system. On finals, I dress up like a "bad ass." That way, professors will know not to mess with me, haha.
Now my only concern is what its going to look like when people see my that my worst grade was in professional conduct. I'm one hell of an individual.... good head on my shoulders.
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