I Have Straight Teeth... But only sometimes.

When I was in the 4th grade, I got braces. At the time, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I got these little cases of wax when they started rubbing the inside of my cheeks. It was a very ignorant time for me. About 4 months after getting the braces, I soon realized they WERE NOT all they were cracked up to be.

I had those braces for additional 5 years.

I did not get my braces removed until the summer before my sophomore year. HOWEVER, upon getting rid of the very things that made my teeth perfectly straight, I got a top retainer and a metal wire placed behind my bottom teeth. But guess what. I lost the retainer and the wire's cement broke off one of my teeth the very next day I got it... I never got it fixed.

The result? Luckily my top row of teeth remained straight... my bottom row was not so lucky, but still it was only one tooth that moved slightly. When I switched dentist, the bottom wire was removed and I was given yet another retainer... I BET YOU CAN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT ONE.

The loss of my bottom retainer lead to a nasty snaggle by the time I was in college. I would name it... take impressions of it in my gun. I made jokes about it, but secretly was pissed off about the fact I had worn braces for over 5 years and had NOTHING to show for it.

I went back to the dentist because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I got invisalign. I straightened my teeth in about 3 months... then I lost the last retainer in the invisalign set and my teeth went crooked YET again. THat time, it got worse.

For the last 2 years, I have had crooked bottom teeth. But ladies and gentlelads, I have great news. My parents found the last retainer in the invisalign set when we moved to our new home. It took a painful week and I had the beautifully straight teeth I once treasured.

There is a slight catch.... Sometimes I got like a day or two without wearing it and I immediately get crooked teeth again. As I type this I'm rubbing my tongue against the back of my front bottom teeth.. crooked. I seriously need to get my shit together.





Had I written this two days ago, I'd have straight teeth.