Outsourcing to India

Bottom Line: It's a bad idea. Anytime you set up a system where people from English-speaking countries call people from non-English-speaking countries but are pretending to be English-speaking is a joke. Placing someone on the other end of the phone who only knows "How may I help you?" "Where are you traveling to?" "What is your call-fir-mash-in code?" and "Can you please repeat the question?" Leads to one thing and one thing only: Impatience.

My sister, a friend of mine, and I were supposed to travel to LA this coming weekend to visit my cousin. Seeing as sista-girl is now eating for two, she thinks it best she stay behind. She doesn't want to hold us back while shopping since now she requires naps... plus she's been battling a cold. The problem with Melissa canceling her ticket is the fact that she had a reservation to bring my cousin's dog back to her in LA. When Melissa canceled the ticket... she canceled Toby. My cousin added the pet reservation to begin with, but seeing as its only 8:35am in LA, we were both willing to bet she'd still be asleep, so I called because I am far more intelligent then my sister (hahaha).

The first time I called United, I spoke with a nice young woman who didn't know what the hell she was talking about. (I'm sure her name was Sarasvati which means "Goddess of Learning" in Hindu, but for this story we will call her Sara.) When I told Sara that I was wanting to transfer the pet reservation from one ticket to the other, she told me they don't make pet reservations and I would have to call Cargo. Sara then gave me a number to call. I was already annoyed.

When I called Cargo, the first automated response I heard was "If you are calling about traveling with a pet in the cabin or checking a pet to travel in the undercarriage, please call" THE NUMBER THAT YOU GOT AHOLD OF SARA AT. More annoyed.

I was almost hoping that when I called the same number I had just dialed only minutes previously, that I would get ahold of Sara again and tell her she was wrong. Instead I got ahold of the man I'm contemplating having fired. (For this story we will call him Asshole.)

Whenever Asshole answered, I explained what was going on... I'm pretty sure he had no idea what I was talking about. So then he just asked for my call form number.

"My what?"
"Call form number."
"Okay, you are asking for my call form number?"
"Excuse me, your callfirm-ation number."
"Oh okay, the one on my trip itinerary or the one for the pet reservation?"
"Could you repeat the question?"
"Do you want the number on my itinerary or the one for the pet reservation?"
"I'm sorry could you repeat the question?"

THIS HAD TO END. I'm pretty sure he asked me a total of 4 times to repeat the question. At which point I lost all patience. I was yelling into the phone really slowly because I thought that might help him understand better. "DO YOU WANT THE NUMBER FOR MY TICKETS OR THE NUMBER FOR THE PET?"

I think he finally gave up because he was losing patience to, although I'm not sure why... I mean shit, I speak English just fine. I speak it so well, in fact, that I have chose to make it my primary language, forsaking all others. He then just told me to give him a number. So I gave him the number that said "confirmation" by it. He asked for another number. Um, okay.... So I gave him my ticket number. FINALLY SUCCESS. Then when we began discussing, again, what I needed done, he asked me for my confirmation number again.

"Well, I already gave it to you, but okay..... here it is again."
"Well, it isn't popping up in the computer."
"Sorry, don't know what to tell you I'm looking at the number that says confirmation by it its... G as in girl, B as in boy, 8, 9, R as in Road and I as in Island."
"Okay I found it."

I lost all faith in this man. I'm almost positive the problem was that he wasn't not entirely familiarized with the English alphabet. He heard it, but didn't know what it looked like on the keyboard. He had NO problem with the 12-digit number I gave him, but the 4-letters in my 6 digit code posed problems for him until I gave them in a word. I know it wasn't me just saying them wrong, because I had given it to him like 4 times at this point... he was BIG fan of making me repeat myself.

He confirmed that the pet reservation was on the itinerary (thats not the word he used though, its too big). I told him I wanted it transferred from the passenger it was on, to my name. He was a bit confused but then he went silent.

"Okay, I have the reservation for the first flight, do you want me to add it to the second?" Forgetting that I was flying one way to LA and not stopping, I said yes.... but then immediately corrected myself... "No, no, no. The dog isn't traveling back with us."

Now he was plain concerned/confused/annoyed/pissing me off.

"I just need a pet reservation from OKC to LAX... he is staying in LA."
"Um............(long silence)."

I'm worried that he isn't quite understanding of the task I have given him so I kindly and calmly ask if it would be a better idea for me to be transferred to someone who understands me a little bit... Bad idea.

"I am helping you!" He responds.
"Yes I know, but I'm just worried you don't quite understand what I'm asking you." (He did ask me to repeat myself 4 times. Proof.)
"I understand, I cancelled the reservation for the pet on Mel-eees-a to Mad-a-leen."
"Oh okay, good. You just sounded a bit confused."

Now that I've pissed him off, I'm worried he could screw with my shit so I ask him to send me a confirmation that the pet reservation has been moved to my name. I give him my email... which took some time... and he says the email was sent.

"The email has been sent, you should receive it shortly."
"Alright, thank you."

AND HERE IS THE BEST PART OF THE STORY.... HE SAID:

"KAY, BYE." And hung up.

I started laughing hysterically. That is definately not in the protocol of ways to hang up. Normally, the drag the conversation for an additional 30 seconds with all the shit they have to say.

Hopefully, that conversation was recorded for evaluation purposes and his boss gets as big of a kick out of it as I did... (I'm hoping for a demotion.)

When I checked my email to see the confirmation he sent me... He sent me the travel itinerary I had been reading off the entire time. It says nothing about a pet reservation.

I will now call and speak to another operator to double check that Asshole didn't delete my reservation. Wish me luck.